COOLVILLE COPS

Coolville Cops takes place in a small town in the 90s. A town where an East and West traffic route goes directly through the middle of town. Coolville doesn't have any violence. The only crime people commit in Coolville is speeding through it. The police department is kind of a misfit group. Jerry is a tall lanky guy with a slight hair lip. Jerry has a motorcycle that never starts when he needs it too. Carl is short stocky black guy that has a patrol car that won't go any faster than 70 mph while blowing a heap of smoke out the back. Jerry and Carl are always together. For some reason Carl is always going along with Jerry’s crazy ideas. Now Buck, he has a souped up undercover car, but all he ever does is stop good looking girls and give them warnings. When things get tight and the mayor sends down a memo that the police force is going to be taken over by the county sheriff if somebody doesn’t start writing some tickets, Jerry and Carl get serious. Jerry finally reveals to Carl, an Acme book handed down by his grandpa ,Coyote Frye. The book : "How To Soup Up Your Police Car" (10 Easy Steps To Stopping Speeders). All of the steps they try backfire in their face. And they try a lot of them. Things get a little touchy when they try to get Mary to soup up their police car with a turbo booster made from gun powder and gasoline. She does it, but not willingly. Mary is the police mechanic. She’s a Mexican, she a lesbian, and she’s mean. The only two people that get along with her are her live in lover and her young slick Italian assistant. He’s always keeping Buck’s car running great because Buck gives him the phone numbers from girls that he doesn’t want.

Carol Ann works at the local café'. She is in love with Jerry, but their relationship is kind of nerdy. Carol Ann is shy, dresses unattractive and does a lot of stupid things. She is always supporting Jerry in his ventures. And they have some real uncomfortable romantic moments.

The county sheriff is a big bully and wants to take over jurisdiction of Coolville. No one knows that he is the one that’s behind all the speeders that conveniently come through town only when Jerry and Carl are on duty. No one knows except his sister who works as the town postal clerk and dispatcher for the police. She keeps him informed on their assignments. The county sheriff pays his nephew to drive the vehicles through town that they get from the sheriff’s other brother’s car lot in the next town.

Oh, yes there is Ed the local handyman. He’s in his eighties, and has a mule named Homer that carries all of his tools. When Homer gets frustrated he just takes a big shit no matter where he is. Ed comes from a rich attorney family in LA. He didn’t like the attorney life or the big city. So, he settled in Coolville There is one more character. John (a Wally Cox type guy) is the police chief, the mail man, the mayor’s assistant and is the lead singer with the local barn dance band. They have a big barn dance to kick off the Coolville picnic and grand prix.

The grand prix is big wheel race that is run through the streets of Coolville. And, yes Jerry wins the race. And Carol Ann is at the finish line to give him a big kiss.

Jerry and Carl have one final attempt to stop a speeder before they lose their jobs. And they go all out. They even get Buck’s help this time. The sheriff’s nephew refuses to drive the cars for them anymore, so the sheriff drives it himself. He gets into a tight spot while speeding through Coolville this time and there is one crazy car chase. The sheriff ends up head- on into a pile of manure. Quite embarrassed, he ends up in a striped uniform sweeping the streets of Coolville. And, Homer makes sure he has plenty to clean up. Well, they don’t lose their jobs and Ed surprises all of them when he presents them with a new motorcycle and a new cop car. He even buys a new tow truck for the police garage. Now, Mr. Italian ends up with that, because Mary and her girl friend move to Memphis.

Jerry marries Carol Ann. Buck gets picked up by a convertible full of beautiful girls. As they are pulling away we notice the bumper sticker. “Transvestites do it better” This non stop comedy action will keep you laughing while on the edge of your seat. Especially when the hell’s angels visit Coolville or when they have the annual Coolville picnic and grand prix. After watching this movie, I think everyone will want to live in Coolville. In the surprise ending, everyone gets what they want and some get what they don’t want.

* For a copy of the entire script, please contact us.